when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
