super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
