I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
