You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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