Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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