Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
