he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
