he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
