i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
