so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
