don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
