She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
