There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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