Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
