my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
you never un-have a 4some
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
