The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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