Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
