I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
