My friends, they love my intelligence
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
