i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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