Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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