Nicole vs. Life
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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