hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
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