Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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