I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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