The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
