And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
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It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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