How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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