Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
