I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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