Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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