all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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