last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
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I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
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I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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