he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
How external is "for external use only"?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
