Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
