i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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