You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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