I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
