The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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