just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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