I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
