Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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