my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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