she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
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But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
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It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...