I heard we made out
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night