Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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