I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
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I think this conversation is over.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
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He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it