there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.