TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
