the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
