why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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