You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
