Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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