I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
