Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
false alarm. still invincible.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
