If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
