i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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