I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
