24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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