clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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