How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
