nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
