I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
