Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
