Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
