Tell her she can't have a vagina
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
