While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
