Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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