I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
